Irrational Fears

I have a lot of fears. Fears that don't make sense. Fears that cripple me. Fears that keep me from doing things I enjoy. I have been reading The Art of Racing in the Rain and have had an irrational fear that something bad could happen to Ryan and I won't be prepared. I have fears that I am always pregnant (side note: we are not trying and we are 100%  not pregnant). I also have silly fears that Kai is dying. If he is laying down I'm always Is he breathing?? I'm so absurd.These fears don't match with reality but they do point out something in my life: lack of trust. 

A month or so ago, we went to church with my family in Tulsa and the sermon was on fear. The pastor basically explained that fear has a lot to do with value. If you are fearing something, you place some sort of value in that thing. On the other side, you are also displaying a big source of mistrust with that value. He said it better than I could: "What you fear reveals what you value the most. What you fear reveals where you trust God the least." 

I guess I hold on so much to my future (pregnancy/ability to have kids/being a mother) and my husband that I don't trust the Lord enough with those things. I irrationally think that if I can control my husband or not drink any alcoholic beverage because I just may be pregnant and I may hurt our unborn child or that headache that I had means that I am for sure pregnant, that if I can control it, then I can make it better. I am lacking trust and being ridiculous. I'm realizing through reading this book about this sweet dog's family that I fear silly things. This book has nothing to do with these concepts other than the fact of one of the adults getting very ill in the book but it has just reminded me of my irrational fears.

God is good, He is in control, and He loves me. I know those truths so why don't I have the faith to live them out?

In the sermon the pastor later goes on to state "If we are dominated by fear then we cannot operate in faith!" 

It's easy to give God easy things like clothes, food, friends, weather, etc. but when it comes to money, Ryan, and our future, I hesitate to give him everything and to have faith that He is in control.

To praying for faith,
Tera